Desolation
by Zeroize
Summary: Daryl has always been watching Rick, slowly falling for him, but he can never let Rick know that. Their emotions come to light during their time together in Alexandria, but it's all short lived when Negan arrives to tear them apart and take Daryl captive, just when Daryl is learning how to love Negan is bent on breaking him. Can Rick save him or will it end in fire?
1. Chapter 1

**NOW  
**

* * *

Daryl wanted to break down but he knew he couldn't, he had to be strong, he had to survive. He stood surrounded by guns pointed carefully on him. His dark blue eyes locked onto Rick's as their movements traced an unspoken conversation. _'I'll save you.'_ He could almost hear Rick's words. It felt like it had been ages since he last saw Rick's face, he could see the ghosts that haunted his eyes now, the dried blood splatter on his face told a dark story.

"What a beautiful fucking reunion." Negan's voice pierced his thoughts like a gunshot and he flinched like a hand shy dog. The sadistic leader clapped his hands together slowly, drawing everyone's attention. "Go say hi to your loverboy." A smile plastered across Negan's face as he patted Daryl's shoulder, causing him to jump at the touch.

Negan could see the uncertainty in Daryl's face as he twirled Lucille around carelessly. "Go on now, it's no trick. Call it a reward for being a good boy."

Daryl stood in place, he wanted to run to Rick, wanted it so bad he could taste it, but his primordial fear kept him from moving. And before he could process what was happening Rick started running towards him.

"No." Daryl mumbled under his breath, his eyes darting frantically around at all the guns pointed on them, to the bloody baseball bat Negan gripped. But nothing could have stopped Rick, he was running with the last amount of breath in him, stopping only to pull Daryl into a tight hug. The tracker let go all at once, embracing Rick in return.

He could feel Rick trembling beneath his arms, his voice shaking as a half whispered. "I won't let Negan hurt you."

Daryl knew it was a promise, but it was one that couldn't be kept, he'd already been broken and beaten; but he found a strange comfort in those words. He could only imagine the shocked faces of the onlookers that surrounded them as he pressed his lips desperately against Rick's, fireworks exploding in his stomach. Even like this he felt so exhilarated as Rick deepened the kiss, their teeth clicked together and he could taste metallic blood in his mouth.

He could hardly hear Negan laughing in the background as they pulled away from each other, a small trail of saliva breaking between their lips. Daryl knew he would have to return to Negan's community, but he knew Rick would come for him. He had to keep surviving until then. He wouldn't let anything take away what was standing in front of him now.

* * *

 **THEN**

* * *

Adjusting to Alexandria was difficult and perplexing. In the past, before the world went to shit, Daryl Dixon lived in a run down log cabin. A little hunting cabin in the woods where his pa would sit on the front porch, drinking moonshine and cussing at him to bring his him his smokes. His life didn't mean anything to anyone, he never felt love like a child should, he never got a job or did something meaningful with his life. According to his brother he couldn't even hunt or fish right and his ma would just ask if he was stupid all the time.

Some people called the Walker outbreak 'the end of the world', but really it was just the beginning of Daryl's. Out there the world became about survival and he had become damn good at surviving. People started to depend on him, to lean on him, he had the power to save people's life and he wasn't even completely sure what to do with it. For the first time in his life he became a part of a family, not like those families you see on Hallmark cards at a mall, but a family none the less. He became something to someone.

That was exactly why he was struggling to adjust to living in Alexandria, because within these twelve inch thick steel walls his life felt almost meaningless again. One thing kept him there though, pushed him into adapting, and that was Rick Grimes. This was probably the kind of life Rick lived before the apocalypse, Daryl thought anyway, with its fancy granite counter tops, kids playing in the streets, and the scent of cookies baking in the oven. They fought so hard to get here, to find somewhere safe, so it was difficult watching Rick struggle to accept that this place was good and full of kind people.

As much as he always hated posh neighborhoods like this, he knew it's exactly what their group needed. Daryl sat on the front porch of their shared house, dully carving small circles into the white paint on the wood. He watched as Rick paced almost frantic circles in the street before coming towards him. He could tell Rick was losing his damn mind, but he also knew things would work themselves out. Besides, he'd already decided he would follow that man to the ends of this dead world no matter what. Unless he was invited to a 'housewarming party' the neighborhood was hosting to welcome their dysfunctional group to society, then there was no way in hell he was following anyone there.

"You goin' to the welcoming party?" Rick's voice broke through the silence finally.

"Nah don't wanna."

"I'd like it... if you could go with me."

Daryl set down his knife to glance up, chewing softly at his bottom lip. It was odd seeing Rick cleaned up and freshly shaven again. He could see the bags under his eyes easier, the creases that appeared more prominently on his forehead from stress. His piercing blue eyes had become darker and filled with ghosts. Even so, his lips still looked soft. He wondered how many times he'd thought about those lips, imagined himself violating them. He wanted Rick in so many ways he couldn't describe.

Not that he was queer or anything, in fact he had never been with anyone at all so he didn't quite know how to describe what he felt towards Rick. He'd never thought about wanting to kiss or fuck anyone before but something about being around Rick just felt so right and comfortable. Though he completely accepted it was just a fantasy, his own twisted and delusional thoughts. He knew he had to keep them secret, especially from Rick.

He caught himself staring at his lips and quickly diverted his eyes to the ground submissively. "Don't wanna go with ya." He mumbled. It was only partly a lie. He wanted to be around him, he just didn't want to socialize or meet the neighbors, not like he cared about impressing them. He heard Rick sigh through his nose before stomping past the tracker and into the house, slamming the door shut. "Somethin's got his damn panties in a bunch." Daryl complained to himself.

The rest of the afternoon he spent keeping to himself, trying to inwardly adjust to the new settings. He honestly debated going to the welcoming party for a brief moment but decided against it. Even so he somehow found himself walking the streets that evening, darkness already enveloped the quiet town and his feet carried him towards the large house where the party was held. From the street he could hear laughter and talking, he saw candles illuminating every room of the house brightly. Everyone seemed happy inside those walls. Just as he was about to turn and walk the other way he heard the front door open and he quickly ducked behind a nearby tree hoping not to be seen.

"Daryl?" Shit. He heard Rick's voice and knew he was caught. He grunted and stepped out from behind the tree. "You wanna join us?"

He asked as if the answer would change from this afternoon. Daryl curled his lip a little in response. "Nah."

Rick approached him, stepping behind the dark tree with a smile on his face like a child up to no good. Daryl raised an eyebrow at him but before he could ask what he was laughing at the smell of liquor hit his nostrils. "You been drinkin'?"

"A bit... I've also been thinking." Rick stumbled towards him, causing him to take a few tentative steps back, stopping when he felt his back pressed against the large tree.

"Bout?"

"This place... and a bit about you."

Daryl narrowed his eyes as Rick leaned in a little too close for comfort. This wasn't good, this was _dangerous_. Daryl was already planning an escape route when Rick moved forward, his lips brushed softly against the tracker's cheek. And Daryl froze, standing awkward and uncomfortable in place, not sure how to react or what to say. Thankfully he didn't have to say anything as Rick pulled away, smiling almost too happily for his own good.

"I better get back to the party before anyone comes lookin' for me." Rick almost seemed as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't just placed the most awkward kiss on Daryl's cheek. He watched as he turned and walked back to the house, it wasn't until he was out of sight that Daryl slumped to his knees, letting out a loud sigh. He couldn't quite explain what just happened, didn't even know if he exactly liked it, but he was blown away by it.

It created a fire in his chest that flickered and dulled, over and over, he felt the heat rising up to his throat where it lingered. He brushed his fingertips against the spot where Rick's lips touched. As much as he was overwhelmed by how he felt in that moment he knew this was because Rick was drunk. He was drunk and lonely, those were a terrible combination. Drunk and lonely people do stupid things, things they don't mean. Daryl knew better, he had to keep his heart guarded, _especially_ around Rick. He knew no one could ever really love him, and what's worse he knew that he could never love anyone either. He could definitely never love Rick fucking Grimes.

* * *

 _Hello readers,_

 _I'm excited to write this story and have a lot of ideas for it moving forward. I hope you'll enjoy reading it, chapters will be posted weekly pending my work schedule. I do not have a beta reader so please bare with any errors for now. As always PLEASE REVIEW, it really means the world to me when you do!_

 _-Kit_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Season 7 spoilers. The next two chapters will contain rape, violence and graphic depictions of sex._

* * *

 **NOW**

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Darkness crashed into the lonely woods, casting shadows on the ground and Daryl heard his people screaming out. His vision blurred with tears and the smell of blood clung in the air. He thought briefly that tonight is the night they would all die together. But he was wrong, so wrong. Abraham was dead. Glenn was dead. And Daryl was being thrown into the back of a white van.

He'd never forget the look of fear and sickness on Rick's face. He could hear him cry out, he saw the tears that ran down his face, mixing with blood and dirt. Rick screamed his name but it was drowned out through the metal van doors that slammed in his face.

And like that their love left them, leaving bloodstains in the dirt.

* * *

 **THEN**

* * *

Daryl wasn't given a lot of time to think about what had just happened with Rick before his world came falling down on him. As he stood alone in the dark front yard watching the welcoming party through the kitchen window he could see Rick laughing and talking with everyone before proceeding to pull Jessie into the next room over. That dumb suburban housewife, Daryl thought blankly seeing Rick pull her into a quick hug, whispering into her ear. That was his queue to leave.

The next day came and passed all too quickly, neither Rick nor Daryl bothered to mention what happened that drunken night. For all Daryl knew the sheriff didn't even remember making a move on him. Being the stubborn man that he was, the tracker refused to even speak with Rick until he worked out his thoughts a little more.

After a few days of being ignored Rick finally seemed at his limit with the tracker's behavior. Daryl was just getting his things ready to go out hunting, the house was empty since everyone was outside doing busy work. Everyone except Rick.

"Can we talk, Daryl?"

"Yea... I guess..."

He refused to make eye contact as Rick patted the spot on the couch beside him, signaling him to sit down, which he did reluctantly. He knew there were things that needed to be said but he didn't really want to say them. He wanted to tell Rick he was afraid to fall, he wanted to know why he kissed his cheek; but he remained silent.

"I owe you an apology." Rick's voice was soothing and gentle as he searched Daryl's face for a response.

"For?"

"For the other night at the party. My mind was all... hazy."

Rick didn't have to apologize, Daryl already knew his mind wasn't in the right place at that time. He normally wouldn't take matters into his own hands but there was only one way to really get an answer to all the questions he had haunting him. As they sat beside each other on the couch Daryl suddenly placed his hand over Rick's. Albeit a small gesture, Daryl suddenly felt nervous, a knot forming in his throat. Rick's hand tensed at the motion.

Their eyes met briefly and in that moment Daryl felt his heart racing. He knew he was losing his mind because he actually _wanted_ Rick to kiss him. And maybe Rick saw that in his face because he leaned forward, closing the distance between them. Just before their lips could touch Daryl pulled back suddenly. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He felt Rick's hand tremble as he turned away, standing to grab his crossbow off the coffee table.

"Daryl." Even his voice shook. But Daryl gave no response, he simply shook his head and walked out of the front door, slamming it behind him.

 _Fuck he wanted him so badly._ But that's exactly why he had to be level headed right now. He never really loved anyone before, never even kissed anyone, he knew if he went any further with Rick that he couldn't turn around. Rick would probably be better off just getting with that blonde housewife, besides there's no reason why he'd want someone who'd never amount to anything. Rick might be able to use people for his benefit, to release his frustrations on or whatever, but Daryl couldn't do something like that, if he were to kiss Rick he'd want it to mean something. That's what he convinced himself.

It wasn't until he was alone in the woods that he dropped to his knees and let out a long sigh. _'s'all fucked up._ ' His mind flashed back to Rick holding Jessie so closely, to how Rick's hand trembled under his own. He wondered if he died tonight if he'd regret not letting Rick kiss him at that time. He couldn't keep ignoring him, he had to make things right, which he decided he'd do so that night.

He spent the day tirelessly hiking through the woods, killing the occasional walker but not catching anything worth eating. By the time he made his way back to Alexandria darkness approached. He noted that even with the sun going down he could still hear laughter on the other side of the steel wall, maybe this place wasn't so bad after all, and yet he still felt more at home being out in the woods, covered in dirt. His hand that held Rick's that afternoon was painted red with blood.

He didn't even bother with changing his clothes as he entered the house their group shared, dropping his belongings to the floor carelessly. "Rick." He growled. Everyone was home and he felt all their eyes fall on him as he entered the living room. Their leader stood quietly in the middle of them, only turning his head in response.

"We needa talk." Daryl's southern accent stood out even more when he was being serious.

Rick gave a small nod in return. "Upstairs."

They both seemed to understand how the conversation would go before it even happened, but what neither of them were expecting was Daryl's sudden boldness as they entered the upstairs room. Rick shut the door behind them and before he could hardly even turn around Daryl slammed him into the wall with his forearm. At that moment he only wanted to quiet his thoughts. He brushed his thumb against the stubble on Rick's cheek, leaving a small streak of blood there.

Daryl could see the questions in Rick's expression but he ignored it and let out a small breath, "If we do this ya gotta mean it."

"Do what?" Rick's voice sounded a little concerned and definitely confused.

"This." Daryl half whispered under his breath, biting at his own bottom lip quickly before leaning forward and pressing their lips together. He didn't think he'd ever felt anything so good in his life, it was like fireworks going off in his stomach. And Rick kissed him back. His heart raced faster as he could hear a faint moan in the back of Rick's throat. As he was about to pull away Rick pushed against him harder, parting his lips just enough that Daryl could feel his teeth brush against his bottom lip.

Unsure of how to react Daryl felt himself tense up at the sensation. Before he could resist Rick slipped his tongue past his lips, their teeth clicked together from the intensity Rick was now kissing him with. He'd never imagined experiencing such a passionate kiss before, he could feel how much Rick wanted him in that moment and it took everything in him to pull away. They both stood still for a moment, panting softly against each others lips before Daryl slowly opened his eyes to meet with Rick's blue ones.

He couldn't ask how Rick really felt about him, he wasn't even exactly sure how he felt about Rick, but in that moment his questions faded away. Neither of them said anything as Daryl awkwardly scratched the back of his head before pushing around him to leave. Rick briefly grabbed his hand and parted his lips as if he wanted to say something, he furrowed his eyebrows and his expression suddenly looked pained. Daryl could see something like _hurt_ there. He felt a small ache in his heart but found himself too afraid to speak as he pulled his hand away from him and left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

It was always an unending chain of surprises with Rick, but what caught Daryl off guard the most was how he was able to feel something for him. He wanted him. He was convinced, however, that Rick was merely using him since he was lonely. Maybe that was okay, just maybe he could get away with using Rick a little as well.

Daryl snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of a desperate scream towards the heart of the town. 'Shit.' He chewed his bottom lip and debated for a moment to ignore it but his feet carried him in that direction anyway. He immediately recognized the direction of the screaming, he could see people gathering to watch.

"Rick." He growled in a thick southern accent. He wasn't completely shocked to see the sound was Rick bashing someone's face in, right there in the middle of the street. He was ignored as Rick continued to pummel the man that Daryl recognized as Jessie's husband. He knew the guy was probably an abusive prick but he also saw the terrified faces of the townspeople.

He saw the life draining from the face of the man underneath him, both of them covered in each other's blood. Daryl let out a sigh under his breath and raised his crossbow, stepping foward. "Stoppit." He narrowed his eyes as Rick's met his, and he could see the bloodlust there, Rick /wanted/ to kill that man. Normally Daryl wouldn't stop it but he was doing all he could to fit in to this forsaken place, so that Rick could live somewhere safe.

Rick turned his gaze back down to the doctor who could no longer move and raised his fist once more. Daryl snorted, dropping his crossbow to the concrete and snatching Rick by his blood soaked collar, landing a solid punch to the side of his face. It was enough force that Rick immediately went limp and hit the pavement.

"What're y'all starin at?" He yelled at the frightened onlookers that stood around him. Much to his dissatisfaction he ended up helping tie up Rick and carry him to an abandoned house where he was separated from the townspeople. He was damn lucky the people didn't throw him out of their compound then and there but he knew this wasn't the end of it. They were already talking about a town meeting to discuss the fight. And all Daryl could do was sit in that abandoned house, watching Rick sleep rather peacefully on a small mattress with his hands still bound behind him.

"Dumbass." He mumbled. What really irritated him is he knew Rick had his eyes set on that blonde girl at the party, now he was out in the streets fighting her husband like some kind of damn vigilante. He rubbed his hand against his knuckle where a bruised formed from punching him.

Hours passed and it felt like an eternity, Daryl jumped a little when Rick let out a soft groan. He finally awoke, covered in dried blood and bruises from the fight. He was groggy as he looked around the room, squinting his eyes as they adjusted to the light. The tracker watched from across the room as Rick came to the realization that his hands were bound behind his back but he didn't try to fight it.

Daryl stood up with a grunt, "Ya look like shit."

Rick squinted in his direction from the small mattress he was laying on. "Yea, you too."

Daryl would have laughed under his breath but he had other things on his mind. He absentmindedly chewed at his bottom lip for a moment before walking over and crouching in front of Rick.

"Gonna untie me?"

He stared down at the man and could only think of how passionately they kissed before. How damn intoxicating his tongue was. He felt a familiar heat rising in his chest up into his throat. Without bothering to give a verbal response he leaned forward so their lips were almost touching. It turned him on seeing Rick close his eyes in response, he was completely submitting to him, tied up underneath him.

He thought briefly about how Rick didn't actually have feelings for him, how he had used him to ease his loneliness, in that moment he decided not to kiss him. He watched Rick furrow his eyebrows, slowly opening his eyes. Daryl told himself he couldn't develop any further feelings, but he wanted to make Rick want him. He wanted to make him feel good, and he wanted to watch him unravel.

Their eyes transfixed on each other as Daryl moved himself on top of Rick, starting to unfasten his belt. "Daryl. Wait..."

"Shut up." Daryl growled in a raspy whisper, covering Rick's mouth with his left hand. He could see the confusion in his eyes, the wince in his expression at the pain of his bruised lip being pressed on. Even so he felt Rick slightly arching his back against his touch. He struggled to finish undoing Rick's jeans with one hand but finally managed. He was surprised to find him already erect as his fingers brushed against the outside of his boxers.

Rick's entire body was tense underneath him but he closed his eyes anyway, taking uneasy breaths through his nose. As much as Daryl wanted to be brave and ravage him he felt his hand shaking. He suppressed his nerves enough to slide his hand under Rick's boxers, wrapping his fingers around him. At that motion Rick moaned softly against his hand. Hearing his moan sent shock waves through his body, his heart pounded so quickly in his chest he could hardly handle it.

And _fuck_ did he want to kiss him. But he held himself back. He began to move his hand slowly, carefully watching Rick's reaction. Rick opened his eyes once more, his pupils dilated as he writhed against Daryl's touch. Daryl removed his hand from Rick's mouth, seeing him pant was enough of a cue to pick up the pace, moving his hand vigorously now.

"Fuck... Daryl... wait please..."

But Daryl didn't want to stop now, he _couldn't_ stop now, he wanted this so bad and he could see Rick wanted something too. He pressed two fingers against Rick's bottom lip, applying pressure there until Rick opened his mouth. He shoved his fingers in his mouth, losing himself in the feeling of Rick's tongue pressed against them. He tightened his grip on his erection, moving harder.

He couldn't believe how incredible Rick felt even just doing this. He felt Rick bite down on his fingers and he knew he was probably close. He began to rock his hips in rhythm with Daryl's hand. He half shouted with Daryl's fingers still shoved in his mouth and came hard into his boxers. Daryl slowed his pace as he felt his erection pulsating in the palm of his hand, riding out his orgasm to the last second, relishing in the sound of Rick frantically panting over and over in his ear. He pulled his fingers out of his mouth, wiping the spit off on his own pants.

As he wound down from what he'd just done he felt a little regret there, there was no turning back from using Rick for his own satisfaction, just like Rick had tried to use him. He sat up, wiping his right hand on the mattress before finally speaking.

"Better clean yerself up before someone finds ya here."

He saw Rick's expression turn to what he could only interpret as concern as realization set in. His pants were still wide open, a large wet spot seeped through his boxers where he came in them and his hands were still bound tightly behind his back with rope.

"You ain't even gonna untie me?" He asked suddenly.

Daryl softly grunted in response, straightening his shirt he grabbed his crossbow off the concrete floor and turned to leave.

"Asshole."

He heard Rick growl as he walked away. He stopped briefly without turning around, "Yea, you too." He mumbled and left the house.

* * *

 _Heheh hate to end this chapter abruptly but I planned on the next one being a longer one, figured i'd get some Rickyl smut out of the way now._

 _As always please review!_

 _See you next chapter. -Kit_


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